i'm running away from me
Mar. 17th, 2012 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
little_leafBob was a cheating bastard. Big deal. Jane ought to have known better...that was the part that was killing her.
Jane knew she ought not to be beating herself up so hard over it, after all: she wasn't John. Then again, that was the problem, wasn't it?
It was still cold out, but Jane was out for her morning run in shorts and a tank top, relishing the bite of cold air on bare skin in the early hours of first light, when everything was still pale and dim and quiet. It was just her, the asphalt against her feet, and the sound of her own breathing.
Jane liked to run because Jock and John didn't.
Her brothers had more trouble overidentifying, being twins, but more often than not Jane simply felt as though she was being quietly swallowed up by the unit that they were...the odd one out, the little dangling leaf of the Shamrock. They'd earned the nickname early on, the three of them, and Jane liked it. Hell, she loved it. She loved being one third of the great, massive, wildly loving thing that was being a triplet, and she loved her brothers, probably John most of all because he was so broken and so gifted and sought her approval so often.
Under the slap slap slap of her shoes on pavement, Jane tried not to feel her broken heart beating just a little out of rhythm.
Bob had been a nice guy. He'd also been way younger than anyone else Jane had ever dated, she always gravitated towards older men. Jock called her a golddigger, loving and playful, John accused her of having daddy issues...not playful, not loving, he said it because Jock mentioned it once, thinking he was being funny.
In truth, nobody looked at Jane very often. Not her brothers, not men her age...she was married to her family in some ways, and a lot of younger guys didn't like it. They wanted to be everything, didn't want to share...didn't want to work at becoming part of the family. Older men...they were a little more open. They understood the dynamic a little better, but even they left in the end, unable to compete with her brothers.
With John the genius and Jock the Big Brother In Residence.
Bob was too okay with all of it...that should have tipped Jane off right away. It should have.
In the end, Jane liked her early morning runs because it was what she was good at.
At the start of the day, at the end...no matter how close she kept her brothers, she always ended up alone.
Jane knew she ought not to be beating herself up so hard over it, after all: she wasn't John. Then again, that was the problem, wasn't it?
It was still cold out, but Jane was out for her morning run in shorts and a tank top, relishing the bite of cold air on bare skin in the early hours of first light, when everything was still pale and dim and quiet. It was just her, the asphalt against her feet, and the sound of her own breathing.
Jane liked to run because Jock and John didn't.
Her brothers had more trouble overidentifying, being twins, but more often than not Jane simply felt as though she was being quietly swallowed up by the unit that they were...the odd one out, the little dangling leaf of the Shamrock. They'd earned the nickname early on, the three of them, and Jane liked it. Hell, she loved it. She loved being one third of the great, massive, wildly loving thing that was being a triplet, and she loved her brothers, probably John most of all because he was so broken and so gifted and sought her approval so often.
Under the slap slap slap of her shoes on pavement, Jane tried not to feel her broken heart beating just a little out of rhythm.
Bob had been a nice guy. He'd also been way younger than anyone else Jane had ever dated, she always gravitated towards older men. Jock called her a golddigger, loving and playful, John accused her of having daddy issues...not playful, not loving, he said it because Jock mentioned it once, thinking he was being funny.
In truth, nobody looked at Jane very often. Not her brothers, not men her age...she was married to her family in some ways, and a lot of younger guys didn't like it. They wanted to be everything, didn't want to share...didn't want to work at becoming part of the family. Older men...they were a little more open. They understood the dynamic a little better, but even they left in the end, unable to compete with her brothers.
With John the genius and Jock the Big Brother In Residence.
Bob was too okay with all of it...that should have tipped Jane off right away. It should have.
In the end, Jane liked her early morning runs because it was what she was good at.
At the start of the day, at the end...no matter how close she kept her brothers, she always ended up alone.
